So I see a close of another year!

In five days it will be December.
I thank God for all he has done in my life, the things he has taught me and the way he has delivered me from, well let's be honest, myself.
Seems I have been my own worst enemy in times past.
Thankfully As G.I. Joe says, knowing is half the battle.
I have finally learned and invaluable lesson, God made me so I AM worth loving.
When Jesus said love my neighbor as my self, I always seemed to miss the  "as myself" part.
Then I always wondered why it seemed so hard to love my "neighbor" you know the folks I live with, see all the time.
I couldn't figure out why I could never get that forgiveness thing down, why I remembered everything any body did to me, not saying that there was some really raunchy stuff done, but why could't I ever let any of it go?
Well, it dawned on me one day that, I had never been able to forgive me, I couldn't even receive, God's forgiveness, which really is a slap in the face considering all He did to make that forgiveness available.
Yeah I had to forgive me of that too, and with the help and deliverance of the Holy Spirit, I have walked thru this awesome door, into an open place of freedom and love!!!
I am not longer faking it till I make it!

¹³Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
 ¹⁴I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
 ¹⁵Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.
Philippians 3:13-15

I get it now, and I'm so-o-o looking forward to where it is The Holy Spirit is leading me now.

Wow not since February?!

it has been a busy time so I'm going to take a few days to maybe catch folks up.
First of all. I have become yet another stroke survivor, I'm amazed at how many of us there are! And I can only Thank God for His protecting hand on my live and the many others who have not only survived but have come out better for the experience.
Yeah! right? I came out better for having had this thing touch my life. Just goes to show that.... And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Rom 8:28 and No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. Isa.54:17
Well I will come back later (especially now that I found my password!!! ;-D)
yep that's part of why the long absence, but only part, yeah that's why......

I'm Learning

Every day it seems Father God is teaching me more and more about who He is, and being the self centered creature that I am, I immediately look to myself to see how this affects me.
Well God being who He is knows this about me so, He has been using this time to show me who I am also.

For one I am beginning to see just how self centered I really am.

Not a pretty sight I must say, and it seems I'm in a constant state of repentance. A good place to be, but not the most comfortable, also a good place to be. It seems from the evidence in my past that when I'm complacently comfortable I'm actually slip sliding away from Father into the abyss of my own selfish hell.

I might want to get that fixed. Actually no might to it; I do want and must have this fixed!! I want it ASAP, but reality is that it is and will continue to be a process, probably life long.
Thank God for the Holy Spirit! His influence in my life, means that this can, is and will be done.

Another benefit of this time in my life, is I'm beginning to get some idea of the depth of the love that God has for us!!!
A full understanding will only come thru eternity, but for now, what I have been privileged to see, and am in the process of learning and seeing, so far exceeds my wildest imagination of what a real love can be, that I am in total awe!!!
All the splendor of the known galaxy can not compare to the tenderness of the love that my Heavenly Father has and SHOWS to and for me, and all of us; if we have the eyes and hearts to see and preceive it.
Some times I can only sit still and bask in His presence, knowing full well that this a privilege is not something I have earned thru any goodness or righteousness of my own, but that it is a gift of love from the author and source of all love.
and all I can come up with is...
Wow! God Rocks!!!!!!

Long time no write!!

Life has been a busy thing lately,
A good busy; but busy non the less.
In Isaiah when God is discussing fasting, he mentions the type of fast he requires of us.  and one of the things that is a part of the required fast is that we "hide not our flesh from ourselves"
WOW!!!!
If you really want to take a good long, hard look at your self, and really see what other people see when they look at you, a really good Holy Spirit lead fast is just the ticket.
I have noticed that the more time I spend in God's presence during my time of fasting the more I get to see me, with out the pretty coat of deception I have woven so skillfully around me so as to not have to see ALL the spots, wrinkles and blemishes.
I must say that when it is stripped away the picture takes a completely different view, and if it weren't for the Gentle grace and compassion my Abba uses in showing me this not so lovely view of me I'd pack my bags and move to another planet.
But His Grace!!!!!!!
Three of the sweetest words I know!!!!
I now begin to understand what Paul meant when he wrote, "His Grace is sufficient for me"!
Even in my selfishness and often infantile behaviors, God's unmerited favor is still poured out on me, His love is never changing, and His comfort and help is ever ready to guide and directed me in the way that I should go.
I am so thankful for this time of fasting and consecration that God has called His body to, it has been a much awaited and oh so needed  awakening,
My prayer is that not a moment of God's time has been wasted on me.and that every seed He has planted in me, is and will ,continue to grow to full fruition for His Glory and Praise.
That all who encounter me will have no choice but to say, God is Real in the world today and He must needs receive all Praise, Honor and Glory!!!!!

Another Chance to smile!!!

As I sit here watching yet more sleet and ice come cascading form the sky, I have to smile. It's another day to delight my self in the Lord!! At a leisurely pace no less; with activities cancelled, I get to have a quiet day of restful contemplation.
I go over in my mind the past few years of this journey, and I stand amazed at the mercy and grace God has poured out over my life.
In truth from an earthly standpoint I have never been hit by so much Real life drama, from Financial disaster, to the Death of my baby boy, to heart attacks and bypass surgery.
To the outward appearance these past 5 years have been everything but blessed.
From where I stand now!!!???!!?
It was an arduous journey, but the destination, ROCKS!!!
What I now know of God and His love and compassion, I would not know from any other path.
What I now know of me and all Abba, has put into making me, who I am today, I would not trade for any thing. not even for one more day here on Earth with Jonathon. I will see him when I step into Eternity, and this time will be as nothing.
What I have today is a new appreciation for the moments I get to spend here sowing into other's lives, and being a friend.
I now have no fear of letting go of those who add nothing positive or only wish to take and never plant good seed.
Alone is not always a bad thing, because lonely can happen in a crowd, alone is a choice, time to meditate on all that Abba has taught me and is presently teaching me.
True friends are precious. Loved ones even more precious. though oft times these are interchangable.
Laughter is the best seasoning I can think of for life.
and the more I think on the Goodness of the Lord, the more Goodness I remember, till I'm over flowing!!
So today I share my over flow with you and pray that this day can be for you a day of remembered blessings, real time blessings and blessings to look forward to.

Happy Snow Day!!!!!!!

Well so much for writing every day.
But it's ok, I haven't turned a joy into a drudge or some horrible law thing.
For me this is good!! Way Goood.

My days have been full of the small necessary tasks of every day life, and though there have been moments when I have had to remind my self that it is not really worth getting up set about or worring about, a few times, ok we are just gong to call it a few.
I have on the whole remembered to give it to Abba, and let Him do what He saisd He would do, Carry it for me.
That is a very challenging thing for me.
I have been doing the carrying for a very long time.
I have had trust isuues for a grip!
I had been living by evidense not faith.
My past weighed in more heavily then God's word.
That thank God is changing even as I type!!!
I have to admit, it is tempting to try and take back all I lay at His feet, but I know that if I keep just reminding my self, and letting go, even if I have to let go of the same thing 50 times, ( one would like to think, one wouldn't be that clueless. Alas one also must be honest!) I will get better at this,
And with the sweet wonderful assistance of the Holy Spirit, this will soon be a way of life for me.
I would like to say I can already see a difference, but I'm too new at this to even recognize it if I do see it, this too will become apparent in time!
In the mean time moment by moment, Second by second, minute by minute, (I'll get to hour by hour in time) I have to remind my self and rejoice in the fact that God's got my back

Mid week message

I have had to make a decision for myself.

The attitudes of others will not make or break my attitude, day, life or decisions.

I know some people are already gifted with this strength, I may have been at the beginning, but after years of having to keep my ear to the ground as it were, it became habit to temper my every thought, word and deed to the prevailing winds in my world.

It became such and ingrained part of my personality, that even when I was free from those chains, I still walked in that circle. Always afraid that if  I ever over stepped my boundaries, there would still be a terribly painful price to be paid.

In all that time I failed to notice that while I was busy tiptoeing around everyone's wants, needs and individule temperaments, I was still paying an awful price.
I was afraid to be just me. I was stifling my own God given creativity and talents.

Well except one, and that was the one keeping my spirit alive, and the one others demanded of me. (another story for another time)

I was afraid to voice my opinion, stand up for what I believed for myself, (I've always been more than willing to fight against injustice for others who can't fight for them selves), But for me, I would meekly lower my head and take what ever was dished out to my. It was how I was trained.

I can not stress enough, that we parents have such a responsibility to our children to train them up in the love and admonition of the Lord. When we seek to control them at all cost, breaking their spirit in the process, we do them such a great disservice.

I digress.

I have finally come to the place in my life, where it is time for me to stand, and having done all stand.
I kneel to no one but my Heavenly Father
.
Does this mean I intend to run rough shod over every one to get my own way?
God forbid, why would I do to others what was so hurtfully done to me?
 I have learned through my own experiences that there is a firm, yet caring way to get a point across, or to let another know something is not acceptable.

So this I do promise me. My light will shine where ever I am, and if there is one so filled with darkness, that they are offended, then I will lovingly continue to shine right in their eye sight, praying all the while that they too will be able to see, and learn to let their own light shine bright too, cause if we both get to shining bright, that's just so much more light to shine in this often times dark world we inhabit.